Jaded, My Tummy

So, that radicalization of #BLM I spoke of? One manifestation, a very courageous and ongoing one, is San Francisco 49ers QB Colin Kaepernick's refusal to stand for the American national anthem. He kneels. It's probably the most innocuous of physical movements, silent of protests that someone could do. But we knew the social weight of this protest after he first did it during the NFL preseason, as did his racist detractors. Now? So many athletes—professional, college, amateur, high school, shit, even marching band members—have all followed suit, furthering the debate in ways we probably didn't see possible. Proudly, determinedly, Kaepernick stands in the tradition and spirit of Muhammad Ali (Rest in Power, brother).

So far this season, Kaepernick has been the backup QB. But, when Blake Bortles' wack-assedness reached new levels of wack-assednessery, head coach Chip Kelly finally decided to replace Bortles with Kaepernick for the starting QB job against the Buffalo Bills this weekend, Week 6 of the NFL.

I can't help but wonder about the anxiety going on in many black people's minds about this, because I know about mine. It's just a "game," but it feels like there's much more at stake. Think Muhammad Ali vs. Joe Frazier, the Fight of the Century in 1971, the boxing match that got pegged as anti-war vs. pro-war, anti-America vs. pro-America. Neither of the outcomes really determine anything of political significance, of course, but the pressure, the gravity, the social weight of the situation is still real. This pressure feels like how black, Latina/o, and other minority students have to perform better than their white classmates to be considered worthy of their spot on campus; or that women have to be twice as good as their male co-workers to be considered equal. Women of minority groups? Well, you get the picture. It also reminds of me when there's some type of tragic event or highly publicized crime or idiotic incident, the first thought about the possible perpetrator is: "Was they black?"

In this context though, Kaepernick's performance is and will be a litmus test for him, because of how black athletes are under more scrutiny and forced to be symbols of black America, but also for us, because he's been a critical voice of our generation, a true, positive, and incredibly prominent one. He is, after all, a part of a powerful and seemingly unassailable $9-billion-dollar empire, *ahem*, enterprise. This unfair test is not only a racist double standard but is also another expression of the lack of freedom that black people must endure, even if you average $19 million a year in salary.

Kaepernick has the tremendous weight of all of racist society bearing down on him, and they will be rooting against him with every snap. Many of us who support him will be pulling our weight with hashtags, viewer ratings, and the donning of red #7 jerseys. Thus, I also have to wonder how he himself is dealing with this. Kaepernick's mental preparedness and possible anxiety can easily affect his performance on Sunday. These issues don't even really concern football; though no doubt, his detractors will claim it as validation of our racial inferiority in some type of, usually, convoluted and indirect way if the 49ers lose. But, is it really something for us to worry about if Kaepernick, who hasn't performed well since the 49ers' NFC Championship run in the 2013 season, winds up playing badly? His very recent restructuring of his original 6-year contract to only 2 years is concerning, because if he leaves the 49ers this year or next as an unrestricted free agent, his prospects at getting another QB gig look very, very bleak. His singular, tenacious voice could be silenced no matter how he performs, on or off the field.

It'll suck major butt cheeks if he plays badly (although a situation where he plays very well, but the team still loses? We will still claim victory tho bwhahahaha. The mad-making potential would be exquisite), but all we can do is keep trucking on. Whether the 49ers win or lose, or whether "Kaeptain America" performs phenomenally or terribly, I am and will always be #TeamKaepernick.